11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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