Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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