i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
