her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
