There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
