can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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