i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
