Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize