what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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