The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
