Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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