we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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