Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
is wine microwaveable?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
