and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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