Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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