I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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