how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
