you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
