i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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