it hurts more in the daytime
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Another day, another engagement, another cat
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize