Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
