Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
