i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
