I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
