Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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