the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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