Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
