so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
