I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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