She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
