dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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