for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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