You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
