a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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