Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
