I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
