I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
