I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
