I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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