FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
