we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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