Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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