I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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