just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
