Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
