She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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