I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
