How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
