i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
