Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
