she looked like the before picture.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
