Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
