I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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