i think my mom watched the whole time
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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