I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
