Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
