it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
