i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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