Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize