So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You are a genius and a whore.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
