U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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