i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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