allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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