a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
