I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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