So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
