I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
