my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
