By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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