Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
