trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We're hate flirting, damnit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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