I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
