eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
