You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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