Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry balex hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(361): View more from Texas

Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.

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(440): View more from Ohio

The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds

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(540): View more from Virginia

It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.

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(845): View more from New York

Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.

(1-845): View more from New York

thanks for thinking of me.

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