i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My life is pants optional.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
