Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
