were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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