the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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