this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
