I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
