living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
