Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
