I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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