Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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